L-O-V-E... What it means to me

When your love is separated by bars, you don't realize some of the things you don't have or even how important they are until a specific situation arises... For me, my aunt died on Monday and it has proven to me just how difficult it can be. When you have a love one that dies you don't realize how much closeness you want and need from the others in your life that you love. You do not realize how much you want the person you love to hold you. Unfortunately, he was unable to be with me through this time. He was unable to hold me, he was unable to talk to me on the phone as well, because of the financial situation I am currently in. So I had to turn off my home phone, but the option of using a cell phone is coming, and I cannot wait for that ability.
There are so many situations where you learn in an nontraditional relationship as this, that you have certain things in a relationship that make it easier, that are comforting... In our relationship, it has forced us to learn so much more about each other. In many situations that I come into, I can hear his voice, and know exactly what he would tell me! I know the words that he would tell me... I know how he would look at me... I know how he would hold me... That knowledge makes the situations go a lot smoother, because no matter our situation that we are in or the situations life throws our way, I know I have his love, and that will never change.

Many people do not understand why a person would wait for another individual for a length of time while incarcerated. The answer to me is simple. L-O-V-E! Can you describe love? To me defining love is very difficult; however, when you experience love, you will go to extreme measures for that love. As a parent, you will do absolutely anything for your child that you love unconditionally. The same can be said in a relationship. I have never claimed to be perfect and never will. However, I know that God blessed me with a man that excepts my many flaws! When I am afraid and run, he takes me back. Eventually, he learned my behaviors and caught me before running any more! He loves me even when I am a complete ditz! He excepts my son as his own. He believes that it is my world, and he is just living in it... I swear, that is better than prince charming! In the same, I except that he is my soul mate. I want to spend forever with him. He is the man that I want to marry. With that said, if I have to wait another year or even until 2015, it is worth it, as long as it is the right man.
I don't find the situation any different than the many years I have spent as a single mother. I have raised my son on my own with no financial help nor a father in the picture at all. How does that change my life? It gives the ability to not settle with a man, and marry the man of my dreams.
It may be difficult for some to understand; however, don't judge my walk until you have been in my shoes. I am a strong woman and this has proven true through the past few days with the death of my aunt. Would I have loved to have him hold me as I cried? Yes. Would I have loved to have him hold me while I fall asleep, or comb my hair while I drift to sleep? Yes, and yes. Would I want him there to wipe my tears? Again, the answer remains yes. However, he is with my still, I know that. He loves me unconditionally. He prays for me.      I could care less if people want to judge me and mine. I am not sure that people really understand that their thoughts and beliefs do not have any affect on my life and my choices. I am happy. He makes me very happy. He brings a smile to my face. I love him beyond measure. I will be his Mrs. People need to realize that this will not change my life, I will only grow to be a stronger individual. My love will continue to grow as well, and we will have a much stronger relationship.
Statistics are against our relationship succeeding; however, when we make it through his incarceration, it will only pave the way to a successful relationship as well. We will be much stronger than the next couple. We will know each other much better as well.
So until the day that I marry him in what ever form I chose to do so in, or until the day he is released do not question me and act as if you know what is best for my life... If I chose to wait to marry in 2015 will it make me any less of a person? Will it affect you in any way? Please, realize that to me, I can make it with out my man here to hold me, because his love wraps around me and protects me... I believe that is enough.