For those that don't know his name, its Cowboy, well, of course that isn't his given name, but it might as well be, that is how everyone knows him, and if you heard that sweet draw of his, you would know that is just one of the reasons for his name. I find it ironic that I questioned if I would ever find love again. I never in a million years thought that I would rekindle a connection with this man. Beyond that, I never thought a relationship with him while behind bars was possible. I didn't realize that un-traditional relationships were possible. Although, I felt that if I could handle that he was still married but they were separated, and were in the process of starting a divorce, I could handle what had to come forth prior to him paroling out.
The relationship has led to knowing that he is the one I will marry. Of course, I have to wait, as the divorce process has not been an easy one. The judge is taking his sweet time to set a court date and make decisions on certain motions brought before him... But I think there is finally light at the end of that tunnel. Not saying it doesn't hurt the love of my life, but with children involved, hurt is bound to play a part. Of course, when hurt is involved in any part of a prisoner's life, it involves the significant other as well. Again, I don't find that the issues that arise from such are not worth standing by your man as a life with the one you love involves going through the pain with them and not walking away. I do find it ironic though, how when we first started talking about marriage, we decided on a date one month after his maximum sentence date to ensure he was out of prison. Through time, we have realized how an informal marriage may be a better option for us until he does receive parole or he is able to walk out of those gates as a free man.
The un-traditional relationship comes with many different issues of their own and I plan on sharing those different issues as they arise. That is not to even mention the personal issues that we have as individuals. Of course, a relationship is not without conflict and personal issues in a traditional relationship either. However, when in an un-traditional relationship, you find it difficult as you can't just be in each other's arms, you have so many limitations, especially if you are not a wife. I plan on sharing the issues that we face and how we handle them. I believe that one of the greatest factors of our relationship is how he is the glue that holds us together. If you know me, you know that I love to run from a relationship when I get scared. The fact that he is not here, makes it that much more difficult. I have tried to run from him multiple times, and the first couple of times he took me back, but the last time, he knew what I was doing.
I can't believe how much this un-traditional relationship has allowed us to learn about each other. I feel that in some aspects, the un-traditional relationship is the main reason we are still together. We have had to learn communication. We have had to open up about things we might not have if we were not in the predicament we are in.
After he came up for parole this year, the parole board gave him another denial, with a set off until September of 2013. We have another year to find out if he will come home next year, or if they will give him another set off. The fear is unbelievable at this point if parole is possible anymore. However, in the words of my ole man, love conquers all. So it doesn't matter to me if he comes home next year. I mean, yes of course, I am going to try everything to work on putting a parole packet together to ensure he comes home, but if he doesn't that does not change us! I am here forever.
I have a man that loves not only me, but excepts my son as his own. He is a better father behind bars, than his biological father was when he was stationed in the Army two hours from me. My son has had more conversations over the phone with him, received letters from him, sent letters to him, sent pictures to him, they have a relationship all on there own without me having to force anything, that is one of the greatest feelings in the world! My son loves this man as his father but as of now, does not know where he is, just thinks he is away working a lot. This man excepts me with all my flaws, even the huge flaws that I continue to try to work on. I could not see my life without him, and hope if you are in the same situation that something I say will help you in your journey!
Love separated by bars is possible. It just takes two people willing to work at it and find their way together. We are writing our fairy tale day to day and knowing that each day brings us one day closer to him being home!
